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I discovered a person that beloved me at my heaviest weight.
Dreamy, proper?
Flawed.
To start with, my ex-boyfriend was supportive of the concept of me reducing weight in an, “if that’s what you wish to do, then I help you” sort of approach.
But when he wished to eat out and I had deliberate to prepare dinner a wholesome meal, that help would bitter.
Generally he would get pissed off and say, “It’s only one meal. One meal is not going to kill you.”
However anybody who has struggled to interrupt unhealthy consuming habits is aware of that only one cheat meal will be harmful.
“Only one meal” can undo progress.
It’s sort of like taking off a pair of denims and placing on a comfortable pair of pajama pants — why would you wish to put the denims again on when you possibly can keep in your pajamas?
The arguments that may ensue if I stood my floor with my boyfriend had been tough. I’d surprise: Why do I’ve to justify my want to eat healthily? I assumed I had his help about reducing weight?
In fact, I wished to offer in and say, “Yeah, thanks, pizza sounds good,” and sit down and watch TV after an extended day at work. I didn’t need to spend half an hour sweating within the kitchen cooking a meal he wasn’t going to understand.
These infinite arguments with him chipped away at my willpower and doubtless contributed to my failed weight reduction makes an attempt.
Issues between us turned extra brittle as I misplaced extra weight.
His help had been based mostly on hypothetical circumstances as a result of I don’t suppose he thought I’d really drop pounds. And I can see why — I had made many failed weight reduction makes an attempt earlier than with no actual long-term dedication or success.
One evening, I got here residence from work and we had been speaking within the bed room. I used to be unbuttoning a flannel shirt. Below it was a fitted shirt.
“Woah,” my ex commented. “You’ve misplaced lots of weight!”
“Yeah, it’s noticeable on this shirt. That’s why I wore the flannel. Didn’t wish to take care of consideration from the coworkers about it.”
He sneered a bit. “That’s unhappy. You shouldn’t care what these individuals suppose.”
I deflated a bit. Was it unhappy to care? Actually?
Generally I nonetheless surprise: Did my being plus-sized make him really feel safer in our relationship? Did he suppose nobody else would need me so long as I weighed greater than X quantity of kilos?
I used to suppose he was body-positive, however possibly I used to be unsuitable.
Possibly he was simply insecure.
Does it matter to you if the love you obtain is conditional?
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Breanna Ramos writes about journey, courting, and wellness. Comply with her on Instagram.
This text was initially printed at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the creator.
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